Keith Urban is opening up about the darker side of life on the road — and his words carry extra weight in the wake of his recent split from Nicole Kidman.

In a preview of his new CBS and Paramount+ competition series The Road, the 57-year-old country star reflected on the toll touring can take, according to The Daily Mail. “Where do we start? It’s a calling, and you’re going to do it or you’re not going to make it,” Urban says in the episode, which is set to air on Sunday, October 19.

Though he describes music as his life’s purpose, the demands can be crushing. “When you wake up on a tour bus at 3:30 in the morning and you’re sick as a dog, you’re in the middle of nowhere and you’ve got to play your fifth show later that night… and you miss your friends, and you’re missing your family, and you’re completely lonely and miserable and sick — and you say to yourself, ‘Why am I doing this?’” His answer: “Because this is what I’m born to do.”

The candid admission comes just weeks after it was confirmed that Urban and Kidman had quietly separated following 19 years of marriage. TMZ later reported that Urban had moved out of their home while Kidman, 58, remained with daughters Sunday Rose, 17, and Faith Margaret, 14.

Amid the headlines, speculation swirled that Urban had grown close to his longtime guitarist Maggie Baugh, though those rumors have been shut down. Baugh herself will also be absent from his upcoming Nashville homecoming concert on Friday, October 17. The 25-year-old, who’s become a fan favorite on Urban’s High and Alive Tour, will be performing her own solo show in Carmel, Indiana, that same night. Two days prior, she’s slated to take the stage at the Grand Ole Opry — another major milestone in her rising solo career. Urban’s band will feature a stand-in guitarist for the night.

As for Kidman, she made her first social media appearance since filing for divorce last week, attending Chanel’s Paris Fashion Week show alongside her daughters and sharing it on Instagram. “Thank you @chanelofficial for having me and my girls ❤️,” Kidman wrote on Instagram, sharing a carousel of photos that showed her laughing with Vanessa Paradis and director Baz Luhrmann.